I haven't been around in a while for a bunch of personal reasons. I'm sorry if I left you in a lurch. I'm back now though. It may take me a while to get my blogging wheels going again, but I know that it's more important than ever to amplify voices proclaiming the gospel of good. Since the election, I have talked to a number of people who feel a bit rudderless. They are unsure of next steps. Many are afraid. They don't know how they fit into the vast sea of social change surging before our eyes, and they worry that they are going to get swept under if they stick their toes in.

Don't fear drowning. Even though it's a fearful time for many, take heart in the fact that millions are working every day to throw goodness into the universe. It's that goodness that will keep you afloat. Acting with kindness and empathy toward one another will buoy all of us. I know in my heart of hearts that this is true, even though in the day-to-day it is easily forgotten.

You undoubtedly know some people who are gasping for breath. The election results feel like a crushing weight on their chest for a myriad of personal and very real reasons. Their flight/fight responses have been triggered, and they are either cowering or swinging their fists. You also know people who feel bewildered at Democrats' reactions of despair and hopelessness. Such people may feel defensive because they are being characterized as racist, sexist, and more. Some of them may be lashing out.

It is nobody's business to question the authenticity of anyone's feelings. It is everybody's business to recognize the harm that comes from allowing despair, hopelessness, fear, frustration and aggression to be our dominant emotional states. Disagreement in these turbulent times is expected. Protesting, lobbying, boycotting, and organizing certainly is in order. But we need to make sure that our ire is directed at the right targets. Belittling behavior and condescending attitudes are a choice, and they rarely do anything to change the hearts and minds of our political adversaries/opponents. When we act in thoughtful and humanizing ways, however, we've got a better chance.

Half of America didn't vote last Tuesday. If we want the 2018 midterm elections to have a different outcome, being kind to one another is certainly a worthwhile place to start. We have to move past the us and them, and focus solely on the us. 

We are neighbors. We are parents. We are colleagues. We are family. We are friends. We are in this together.

Go forth to protest, lobby, boycott, and organize. But in doing so, promise to treat each other well. Good begets more good. That is the gospel truth. 

Hi friends. I've been quiet for a while, and I am sorry to have left you hanging at a time when frequent reminders of the world's goodness might have been really helpful. I know it doesn't seem like people are all that good at times. But in the face of what sometimes seems like insurmountable evil, it is comforting to know that so many of you are out there on the daily bravely adding your voices to the fray in order to speak on behalf of goodness, trust, friendship, love, compassion, empathy, acceptance, optimism, and hope for humanity. I know that sometimes you don't feel like you're being heard. I know that sometimes it is hard to stand up and proclaim good news. I know that you feel negativity crushing you back down. I know that hatred is an unbelievably hard burden to bear. And I hope that you know how much I appreciate your efforts. 

I appreciate those of you who give loving support to transgender youth and adults.
I appreciate those of you who acknowledge that love is love, regardless of sexual orientation.
I appreciate those of you who seek out friends from different religious and cultural traditions.
I appreciate those of you who treasure opportunities to get to know people who are different from you.
I appreciate those of you who expose "normal" for the fallacy that it is, and who embrace diversity as a beautiful gift.
I appreciate those of you who advocate for safe communities and freedom from fear.
I appreciate those of you who empower young girls, and who teach young boys that vulnerability is not weakness.
I appreciate those of you who Give.
                                                 Acknowledge.
                                                 Seek.
                                                 Treasure.
                                                 Embrace.
                                                 Advocate.
                                                 Empower. 
​                                                 Teach.

Here's the truth: there is a multi-billion dollar industry mostly invested in delivering bad news. Then social media jumps in and amplifies bad news to the point of deafening. If it is possible for people to have differing opinions, then those differences are exploited to the point of dehumanization (seriously... I saw a Facebook argument go down yesterday where the characterization of one person as "a piece of shit" was met with a retort of them being "less than human.") And then add in the reality that Americans are glued to their phones and devices 24-7, it's no wonder we think that everything is going to hell in a hand-basket. 

There are wolves in the world. Real, scary, better-to-taste-you-with evildoers on missions to destroy. We have to be vigilant against wolves. But the way to prevent being hurt is not to inflict more hurt on each other. Breaking each other down and tearing each other apart doesn't make anything better. In fact, tearing each other apart makes it kinda sound like we are wolves ourselves. 

The way to keep wolves at bay is with light. We are all capable of lighting a fire for good with our everyday acts. I recently challenged myself to spend a day looking for good. Perhaps "challenge" is the wrong word, because finding examples of good wasn't remotely difficult. A car driving by was full of happy birthday balloons. I watched a video online of an elephant picking up and throwing away trash. A new mom got flowers at work from her hubby. Local folks registered to attend the World Refugee Day potluck. A sandwich board outside of a restaurant featured an inspirational quote. I saw Christian friends wishing Muslim friends well during Ramadan. Parents all around town went to great lengths to congratulate recent graduates. Friends signed up to run a 5K to benefit local charities. Strangers found a lost pet and returned it home. Those are but a few examples.

Every day we do good things. 

Every day we brighten each others' lives.

Every day we bring forth hope.

Every single day.

I know that our hearts are heavy. But in the face of sadness and fear, don't lose sight of the every day. It's the every day that will give us tomorrow. If we keep showing up, so will the sun.

You can easily see it in small children. Kiddos do best when they know that lunch is at noon, followed by half an hour of play time, and then a nap. They thrive when they understand that bedtime consists of brushing their teeth, putting on their PJs, reading a story, singing a song, and then cuddles for a set period of time. Of course, I'm talking about routine. Skip a nap, skip a story, cut short cuddle-time, and all hell breaks loose. 

For some reason, us grown-folks don't act like we get the importance of routine on such an elemental level as children. At least not on the regular. The fact is, though, that when our (implicit or otherwise) routines get out of whack, we're all out of sorts as well. As adults, though, we're more willing to let routines slide without pitching an epic temper tantrum. 

We should change that.

I'm not making a case for scaling temper tantrums up from pint-sized to grown-up-sized. That sounds awful. Rather, I think that us grown folks should be more attuned to the value of our routines; to acknowledge that our routines provide us with structure that we crave and need; and to admit that disrupting our routines is often antithetical to self-care. There are many benefits to adhering to routines: building good habits, increasing efficiency, building momentum, and lessening the need for willpower, among others. Plus, they just plain ol' make us feel safe and secure. There's a lot to say for that. 

I would love to hear more about the habits/routines that work for you. Share them in the comments below!

My favorite movie is The Goonies. I've literally watched it a million gazillion times. I can quote practically the entire movie from memory - my most annoying habit, according to Mike. The reason I'm disclosing all of this awesomeness about myself is because my kiddo will have the amazing experience of seeing The Goonies for the first time tomorrow. I'm stoked! Our church is having a "dinner and a movie" fundraiser for the youth mission trip to South Dakota. I'm not sure who selected the movie, but kudos to them on their great choice. I also know, however, that to young minds the movie has the potential to be pretty scary, with dead pirates and booby traps and bad guys and what not. 

In order to prep the kiddo for her movie watching experience, I told her about all of the scary parts. I told her about the organ made out of bones ("we gotta play the bones to get out of here?"), and the bad guys who shoot guns ("bullet holes the size of matzo balls Mikey!"), and the kids forced to walk the plank ("say goodbye to your little friends!"). She seemed cool with all of it. I'm sure there will still be parts that send her running to me, but at least she has some idea of what to expect going in. My guess is that knowing in advance will lessen her fear at least a little bit. 

Truth is, negative visualizations can be useful for all of us. Most of us walk around saddled with too many fears and worries about our well-laid plans going awry. As a result, we're often defensive and pessimistic Debbie downers. Thinking about potential undesirable scenarios helps us figure out exactly what we're so afraid of, and can actually be empowering. By thinking about what bad things might happen, we can think proactively about what we would do in such instances (zombie apocalypse planning FTW!).

Doing negative visualization exercises can help us to better engage in contingency planning and Plan B dreaming. I've always liked the saying, "If Plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters left." There's a value to dwelling in "what if." We can imagine ourselves confronting fears, overcoming barriers, becoming stronger, and being resilient. 

I've seen The Goonies a million gazillion times, and I've thought about what I would do if I were in their places (still haven't found a treasure map, though). As such, I am 100% prepared if heartless developers want to demolish my house to build a golf course ("When they wreck our house, I hope they make it a sand trap. And never get their balls out!"). I know to trust myself when the going gets tough ("He was a pro. He never made it this far. Look how far we've come! We've got a chance!"). I look for the unlikeliest of heroes to save the day ("Hey, you guys!!!!). I see the wisdom in choosing something other than the easy way out (Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.") 

Life is about choices. We can either rigidly stick to Plan A and fear disappointment, or we can allow ourselves to mentally explore what the rest of the alphabet has to offer. Plan B, C, D, or Z are not necessarily synonymous with "worst case scenario." They are just different. True, different can be scary and  disorienting and discombobulating. But it doesn't have to be bad - not if we're mentally prepared. I know that I'm open to finding that treasure map and seeing where it takes me, booby traps and all.

(P.S. Mike will hate this post... just like Chunk loves the dark, but hates nature. Tee hee.)

I think I may have mentioned it already... I am having a yard sale on May 21st. Despite the exhausting work that goes into having a yard sale - deciding what to purge, pricing everything, moving boxes into storage (aka, mom's basement), dragging everything back out, arranging it on the lawn at the crack of dawn, keeping fingers crossed for decent weather, and more - I am so stoked to be lightening my load. 

In an effort to have the very best yard sale imaginable, I am tackling this with planning gusto. I thought it might be handy to share some strategies in case you feel similarly yard sale inspired. This is not my first yard sale rodeo. For those of you who may not know me all that well, here's a little backstory. For the better part of a decade, Mike and I ran an online (and for a little while, brick and mortar) used book business. To find good inventory, we spent a lot of our spare time perusing dusty library sales, estate sales, auctions, yard sales, and more. In the pursuit of literary gold, we also picked up a lot of junk. We helped that junk continue its earthly journey by hosting lots and lots of yard sales. Here's some stuff I learned, and some personal pet peeves that I want to avoid.

1. Advertise clearly. There are a lot of ways to advertise for a yard sale. The ol' tried and true is a classified ad in the local paper. That's just the beginning! There are also online yard sale listing sites, including Yard Sale Search, gslar.com, Garage Sale Finder, yardsales.net, Garage Sale Cow, Garage Sales Tracker, and the Yard Sale Treasure Map app.  Then, of course, there are the yard sale signs....
2. Including clear signage. Seriously. In the yard sale world, it surely stinks when you see a sign boasting an amazing multi-family sale with treasures galore and you can't find the house. Make sure signs are clear. Keep wording to a minimum - people will be driving past your sign, not looking for an opportunity to read a novel. Use a clear font/easy to read handwriting. Write in big, bold letters. Use directional arrows, but only if you can make sure that they will keep pointing in the right direction. Wild goose chases mean less moolah. And then of course, Yard Sale Etiquette 101... take down your signs when the sale is over. Don't be a litter jerk.
3. Price everything, or at least organize it so prices are evident. This time around, I bought a price gun so that I can click-click-click price things with ease. Since this will be a multi-family sale, I deliberately looked for a gun with a variety of symbols that can be assigned to different families. My hope is that the symbols will make it easy to keep track of revenue at check-out. If pricing every single item seems difficult, then put things in boxes and label the boxes - i.e, $1/Each in This Box - or place on tables or in well-marked zones, and make everything on each table or in each zone one price. Sure, you'll have to take your customers' words for it if they come up with an armful of stuff, but remember that you want to get rid of this junk and cordially thank them for their business. You can also price items by category - i.e., all hardcover books $2. A successful strategy with clothes is also to offer a bag option - i.e, all clothes $1 each or $5/bag. Regardless of how you do it, just make sure there are prices. Nothing sends me running from a yard sale quicker than having to ask how much each item costs. 
4. Reduce prices as the day goes on. Most people don't plan to haul their junk back inside at the end of the sale (extra tip - figure out your exit strategy in advance, and make arrangements accordingly. Many charitable thrift store organizations will come and pick items up if you let them know ahead of time). As the day wears on, slash prices. Have extra poster board and markers on hand to make signs to advertise the sales - 25% off, 50% off, all you can fit in a box/bag for $5, etc. Have extra bags on hand for customers and get to wheeling and dealing. 
5. Merchandise. Meaning, put stuff out in ways that is visibly appealing. Sure, people may be shopping on your lawn, but they will be more likely to buy stuff if you can arrange it ways that enhance its desirability. Put like things with likes - books on bookshelves; kitchen gadgets with dishes, pots, and pans; clothes on racks, if possible; kids toys attractively arranged; etc. Make it easy to move between sections - don't have stuff laying all over the place to trip people up. Put big ticket items up front to catch people's eye, or take some time to make a really pretty display right by the road. 
6. Create ambiance. We've all been to those yard sales with scary dogs, screaming children, and somebody's crazy uncle in a half-shirt sleeping in the stained and ripped Barcalounger on sale for $5. Don't be that sale. Play upbeat music. Sell bottles of water or sodas. Have a trash can handy. Have a couple of chairs for someone to sit and rest a spell. If it's a sunny day, make sure those chairs are in the shade. Make your sale welcoming, and you may make more than money - you may even make new friends!
7. Make check-out a breeze. Rule #1, have plenty of change on hand. Rule #2 - it's a yard sale so expect price haggling. You don't have to accept a lowball offer, but don't be rude about your refusal. Again, remember the goal is to get rid of the stuff, not to hang on to it! Be nice about answering questions. If you're selling electrical gadgets, it's a good idea to have an extension cord by the check-out table so people can test out items before they buy. Have shopping bags (and boxes, if possible). Be willing to work with people if they need to make arrangements to pick up large items later. And as an overall rule, be friendly. If someone leaves your sale with the urge to post on Facebook, you want it to be about the awesome stuff they got at your yard sale, and not about your rude behavior.
8. Have fun. Yard sales can be a lot of fun, including quality time spent with family and friends, warm sun on your face, and enjoyable interactions with neighbors. Or, they can be full of misery - strained muscles, bad weather, and grumpy people. You can't control the weather or the muscle pulls (to an extent... lift with your knees!), but you can control your attitude. Try to make the best of it, take pride in a hard day's work and enjoy the wad of money in your pocket. And when all is said and done, feel free to #treatyoself!

In my missive against the Man earlier this week, I mentioned that I have dreams and it's about time that I act on them. I've decided that step one is going to be dreaming out loud. Maybe I'll manage to speak my dreams into being. Each time I talk about what I want to do, maybe forward momentum will become more real.

So what's my dream, you ask? It's this...

Yep - a vintage camper. But... more than that too! I want to purchase and restore a vintage camper, and then use it as a mobile candy and craft soda shop. I want to take it to festivals and to have it available for event rentals. I want to be a part of weddings and birthday parties and graduations and all kinds of other best days. I want to use my nights and weekends eliciting happiness. I want to have my cute vintage camper available for community fundraisers like 5Ks and food truck festivals. I want to offer a different kind of customer reward program, one that bestows free sweet treats for grown ups and kiddos who clock a certain number of good deeds.  I want to pre-package Random Acts of Kindness gift baggies for people to purchase and share as a means to generate smiles. I want a cheerful outdoor rug, a shady awning, and comfy Adirondack chairs. I want new and old friends to kick back and toast good times with simply made, delicious sodas consisting of ingredients like juniper, elderberry, and actual factual ginger root. I want to be a happy part of people's lives. 

Unfortunately, I don't have any money to make my dream a reality... yet. I'm determined, though, and I plan to really amp up my side hustles to make this dream come true. I'm starting an Instagram store shortly, so be on the lookout if you want to buy some of my cool (could be a relative term... we'll see!) junk. I'll also be crafting up a storm on Etsy - keep your eyes peeled for that. Another thing that I would love your help in promoting is my gigantic yard sale; it will be held in Harrisonburg on May 21st. I'll advertise the yard sale on the G&GCo. social media pages, so please "like" and "share." I'm also pondering selling some candy camper memberships as a way of raising capital - if I decide to go that route, I'll be sure to let you know. 

I'm not going to lie - it's a little daunting to admit this dream out loud. Peddling candy and fizzy drinks seems oddly quaint in our 21st century world. The thing that appeals to me about candy, good soda, and vintage campers, however, is that they harken back to simple things that make us smile. In a world crowded with high tech and lightening speed, we need that more than ever. I truly hope that I'm able to pull this off, and I look forward to the day that you come visit me at a festival or event near you. I'll have your Adirondack chair and a sassy rhubarb soda waiting for you.

I was invited to talk at an event last night, Women in Focus III. The goal of the event was to invite women - all kinds of women - to come on stage and talk or perform for about 10 minutes each. The organizers stated that sometimes it's difficult for women to feel as if we're allowed space to do what we do and to be who we are. Women in Focus was an attempt to deliberately create such space for women.

My very brief talk (I shared my 10 minutes with another person) was about my work with Rocktown Rallies, the refugee advocacy group that I helped start back in the fall. After my 3 minutes in the spotlight, I fortunately was able to kick back and listen. Of course the organizers were right - the experience of deliberately respecting space for women is a cool thing. And it is also way too rare. 

I am an almost 40-year-old Ph.D. holder in Women & Gender Studies, and yet still I am plagued by worries about authority and legitimacy. All too frequently I find myself slipping into gendered norms of behavior, and that frustrates me. I try to mother my girl child with messages of gender empowerment, and I simultaneously struggle with my personal feelings of profound disempowerment. My only comfort (and simultaneous gigantic disappointment) is that I'm not alone in these feelings. Women of all walks of life feel the same way. Too many of us smart, capable visionaries spend much of our time feeling boxed in, silenced, and invisible. 

Sidebar: Open a new browser window and type the phrase "where are the women?" You'll get a list of articles with themes that look something like: 

• Where are the women in STEM?
• Where are the women in finance?
• Where are the women in art?
• Where are the women in tech?
• Where are the women in sports?

Newsflash: women are there, but we're not socially conditioned to see or hear women. And when we do, we too often dive head-first into gendered criticism over BS stuff like whether women smile enough or talk too loud. 

Last night's presentations certainly reminded me of the frustration of living in a masculinist world. But they simultaneously served as nice reminders that women are very much present, and doing awesome stuff. We are surrounded by women who are brave and creative and innovative and assertive. Not only do I think it's extremely important to give such women props, I think it's also good to be confessional and admit that I very much want to be like them. While I feel like I have some of those traits some of the time, my successes certainly haven't come without struggle, second-guessing, and doubts. For every brave thing I've done in my life, there are dozens of other opportunities, plans, and projects that I wanted to pursue and talked myself out of doing. 

We're all on a journey, and we make choices as we travel together. For the girls and women out there, I encourage you to be courageous, strong, and fabulous. Doing so may be scary, or feel selfish, or open you up to criticism. Repeat after me, and holler an enthusiastic: "SO WHAT!" For the boys and men out there, I encourage you to look at the girls and women in your lives and to be supportive, understanding, and fabulous as well. Doing so may be scary, or feel discombobulating, or open you up to criticism. Go ahead and add your voice to the "SO WHAT!" chorus! 

Men and women... more alike than different, and all deserving of equal regard. Why limit our collective potential because of some silly ol' gender norms? Personally, I'm tired of pushing myself to the backburner. To quote Big Hero 6, I know that I need to "woman up." I need to resolve my resentments, to ignore my excuses, and to stop my belly-achin'. I have dreams, and it's time to start acting on them. If you need me, I'll be laying the groundwork for my next 3 minutes in the spotlight. I hope you'll come shine with me. I can hardly wait to kick back and listen while you share your awesomeness. 

It's Super Tuesday. Election Day. Time for you to get out the vote. I've only missed one election ever in my voting career - a run-off for a local office. I kicked myself so hard for that because I realize what a privilege it is to be able to freely exercise my Constitutional rights. And as much as I love democracy and hold it up as an ideal, I also realize that my ability to freely exercise rights still is not something equally afforded to all American citizens. 

I'm not going to go into candidate stumping and bashing in this post (ok... well, maybe a little...). But I do want to encourage you to think back about what you learned about citizenship and democracy in your elementary school social studies classes. In my elementary school, there was a display of important historical documents in the hallway on the way out to the playground. The display, called "The Freedom Shrine," was permanently mounted to the cinder block wall. Students lined up in that hallway every day, and absent-mindedly touched replicas of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Magna Carta, the Emancipation Proclamation, and more, as we filed outside. While our little fingers danced across words of great magnitude, we viscerally beheld examples of democratic struggle. Democracy is not always easy, but it is always worth it. 

Which brings me back to this election. It's a fact that some candidates are more invested in the democratic process than others. Some candidates have a much better understanding of the notion of "We the People" than others. Some candidates better understand the promise and shortcomings of living in a democratic republic than others. And some candidates are more willing to do the hard and necessary things to uphold justice, to work toward equality, and to strive for liberty than others. 

On this Super Tuesday, please go vote. When you do, think about your eight-year-old self. Would you have voted for a bully? Would you have voted for a person who singles out others based on their religion or the color of their skin? Would you have voted for someone who only had a passing knowledge of the precious documents that hung outside your classroom? Would you have voted for someone who claimed that the fact that they had a lot of money gave them more privileges? Would you have voted for someone who tried to silence people who were brave enough to point out injustice and to propose ways to make our country better? If your eight-year-old self would have said "no" to any of those questions, then your grown-up self should know what to do. Democracy can be hard, and messy, and difficult. But at the same time, it's pretty simple. As a collective, we should do all that we can to ensure liberty and freedom for everyone; and if injustices persist, then it's up to us to do something about it. Your vote is your power. Don't waste it. Today, I'm looking for more than good. I hope that you'll be Super.